someone to me: "Talking to you is like mental masturbation!"
This is a line etched in my memory forever. Its not everyday you hear someone say such things! Not too long ago, on hearing this, I'd laughed my head off...today, its plain sad. We don't talk any longer. On a lighter note, maybe "someone" had enough of 'self help'! lol
me to someone: "How can you hurt someone so innocent?"( just to add that this line was followed by a highly innocent photograph!)
The things i say! Lame as it sounds, it did have the desired effect at that moment...unfortunately, I wasn't too innocent for long. I did end up getting hurt.
someone to me: "Good things come in TALL packages!"
Made me feel great for sometime but when the compliment faded, i realized that the view from up here is very different from the one down there. Then again, I'm still tall and as good as I was. Nothing gained but nothing lost as well.
someone to me: "...mais,vous êtes un peu fou..." (for someone who doesn't know french, this was well said!)
It was an sms. The middle of a sentence. Oh, I haven't yet translated it it for the benefit of the non-French speakers (or 'understanders' as I like to call it). It means -but, you are a little mad. Its a universal statement coz everyone is a a few steps behind from sanity. I'm no exception but this made me feel oddly proud:) After all, learning French just to call me mad is something of an achievement. So I can take some credit!
me to someone: "Lets leave some things unsaid, its not necessary to know everything"
How many times do we wish that we did not have to say the things we want to? I do feel like it quite a lot. It started out as a conversation closer since I actually did not know what to say! It went on to become a long standing joke. Today, it actually is what it means. Everything unsaid, everything unknown.
someone to me: "I think you are a lesbian"
lol times infinity!!!! lol!! It never would have been as funny in college...after all Jesus n Mary College left no choice for us did it? (wink!) From straight to bi to lesbian to experimental to straight again. That is what college was all about...but now? no way! i prefer asexual. something sexual in there yet its only me. I think "someone" was too straight to realize that its not about being a lesbian...its female bonding, feminism, anti-chauvinism and just loads of giggles!
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Friday, April 30, 2010
Urban legends: Fear no more…just turn around and run!
For all those people who say they don’t believe in urban legends, I say that you haven’t heard this one yet. I happened to hear of it during a night stay I had with my friends from the university hostel long time back. We were circulating legends and wondering whether there are actually any of them related to hostels since that would be the scariest option considering our setting. One of my friends, Alyssa, who was unusually quiet since we had plunged into exchanging legends volunteered to narrate an urban legend which she knew for a fact was true.
Engrossed and a bit amused that timid Alyssa was planning to spook us, we were totally attentive. Alyssa began her hostel legend: “one night, at campfire held in the school hostel, a few girls were discussing how scary the hostel looked at night when suddenly one of them got up to pee. She searched for signs of any toilet nearby but couldn’t see any. A little scared to go too far, she kept close to the area where her friends were sitting.
Moving along the dark and deserted hostel corridors, she searched desperately for a toilet since nature’s call was getting more urgent by the minute! Finally she located a toilet and went in to do the deed. A couple of minutes later she came out and slapped some cold water on her face to refresh herself, thinking that she’ll need to prepare to stay awake the entire night. As she was closing the tap, she her low cries coming from outside the door. Curious and frightened at the same time, she peeked outside the toilet door and saw a young girl sobbing away with her face covered by her hands.
Guessing that the girl was lost, she asked her to calm down. The little girl, her face still covered, continued to shake and said that she had come with a friend and got lost inside the hostel. The older girl sympathized with her and offered to take her to help her locate her friend. The younger girl, still crying, removed her hands from her face for the first time.
With the shriveled and rotting face that seemed inhuman, let alone childlike, she squeaked in a girlish voice: “I don’t need anyone now that I have you for company”. Saying this, she caught hold of the pale-faced older girl who was never seen by her friends again.”
When Alyssa finished the story, we were all at loss of words and afraid to even move. When I asked Alyssa how she knew that the story was true, she simply replied: “I never saw my older sister after that night”.
P.S.- This is my first attempt at scary writing! with a job that gives me creative freedom like this, I'm super satisfied:)
P.S.- This is my first attempt at scary writing! with a job that gives me creative freedom like this, I'm super satisfied:)
Friday, December 18, 2009
Love and Devotion...
“I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.”- William Shriner
came across this quote a few moments ago and it got me thinking. This is the kind of death my grandfather wanted. To go to his beloved Ram ji's care while sleeping or reading the Ramayan that is dearer to him than any living person. It is the Ramayan which he knows by heart, which he quotes to everyone, which he starts and ends his day with.
Today, that Ramayan lies untouched, gathering dust from lack of use in a drawer that has not been opened in ages. where is my grandfather? he like the Ramayan, lies; but contrary to his untouched Ramayan he is in the midst of innumerable tubes, pipes and machines. His ususally dyed hair (cut and colored by his own hands) is the shade of cotton and flowing on the same colored pillow he lies on. Pearl colored hair have sproted into beard though that was unthinkable since he preferred to remain clean shaven at all times. The pipes,tubes and machines have reduced him into something he never wanted to be- dependent. He is at their mercy with no consciousness of what goes around him...hope he cannot visualize himself in such a condition. That would make the machines redundant since the idea itself would kill him.
Its nothing new that 88yr old people fall ill...to be blatant, they know that they dont have much time and even their loved ones know it. But, for a man like my grandfather, i consider it cruelly unjust that he should go like this- reduced to nothing. All his life he has lived and breathed the principle of Lord Ram. He is a self made man who believes in Karma and only Karma and nothing but Karma. A day before going to the hospital he said that even now he will continue to do his 'prescribed duty' as per Ram and will not relent at anything. A man like this who wished nothing from life except to die in peace is today fighting for his life against so many odds but still hasnt given up.
The point behind this is not to say that he shouldnt die, but the point lies in the way he is slowly dying. Even after making God his only love, he suffers at this moment and that to so intensely. its heart wrenching. I was never one for going to mandirs or praying on a regular basis. When someone goes to vist a temple i ususally sit outside coz i believe that god is eveywhere. We dont need to go to temples, we can do the same by just being true to ourselves. Seeing my grandfather live hell, i feel that life makes evens out on its own. The good suffer, the bad prosper. this doesnt mean we start doing bad things and we can get away with them, but it means that we shouldnt expect good things to happen to us coz we are good. life balances the amount of good and bad for us. It certainly seems to have done that for my grandfather. The prayers he has been doing since countless years have brought him to this. He says that he has been saved from being worse off but i say that death would have done him better. he doesnt deserve this. In the end, as they say, nothing matters. its the same with him. Ram or no Ram, he is suffering and i'm glad he is more optimistic than i am. hopefully, his Ram makes him come out of this a survivor and proves me wrong on my theory. I'm waiting for the Ramayan to be held in the hands that revered it for so long. It would be the best day of my life when that happens.
came across this quote a few moments ago and it got me thinking. This is the kind of death my grandfather wanted. To go to his beloved Ram ji's care while sleeping or reading the Ramayan that is dearer to him than any living person. It is the Ramayan which he knows by heart, which he quotes to everyone, which he starts and ends his day with.
Today, that Ramayan lies untouched, gathering dust from lack of use in a drawer that has not been opened in ages. where is my grandfather? he like the Ramayan, lies; but contrary to his untouched Ramayan he is in the midst of innumerable tubes, pipes and machines. His ususally dyed hair (cut and colored by his own hands) is the shade of cotton and flowing on the same colored pillow he lies on. Pearl colored hair have sproted into beard though that was unthinkable since he preferred to remain clean shaven at all times. The pipes,tubes and machines have reduced him into something he never wanted to be- dependent. He is at their mercy with no consciousness of what goes around him...hope he cannot visualize himself in such a condition. That would make the machines redundant since the idea itself would kill him.
Its nothing new that 88yr old people fall ill...to be blatant, they know that they dont have much time and even their loved ones know it. But, for a man like my grandfather, i consider it cruelly unjust that he should go like this- reduced to nothing. All his life he has lived and breathed the principle of Lord Ram. He is a self made man who believes in Karma and only Karma and nothing but Karma. A day before going to the hospital he said that even now he will continue to do his 'prescribed duty' as per Ram and will not relent at anything. A man like this who wished nothing from life except to die in peace is today fighting for his life against so many odds but still hasnt given up.
The point behind this is not to say that he shouldnt die, but the point lies in the way he is slowly dying. Even after making God his only love, he suffers at this moment and that to so intensely. its heart wrenching. I was never one for going to mandirs or praying on a regular basis. When someone goes to vist a temple i ususally sit outside coz i believe that god is eveywhere. We dont need to go to temples, we can do the same by just being true to ourselves. Seeing my grandfather live hell, i feel that life makes evens out on its own. The good suffer, the bad prosper. this doesnt mean we start doing bad things and we can get away with them, but it means that we shouldnt expect good things to happen to us coz we are good. life balances the amount of good and bad for us. It certainly seems to have done that for my grandfather. The prayers he has been doing since countless years have brought him to this. He says that he has been saved from being worse off but i say that death would have done him better. he doesnt deserve this. In the end, as they say, nothing matters. its the same with him. Ram or no Ram, he is suffering and i'm glad he is more optimistic than i am. hopefully, his Ram makes him come out of this a survivor and proves me wrong on my theory. I'm waiting for the Ramayan to be held in the hands that revered it for so long. It would be the best day of my life when that happens.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
thoughts
"Excellent wretch! Perdition catch my soul,
But I do love thee! and when I love thee not,
Chaos is come again."
- Othello,ACT III ,scene iii
"We are tragedians, you see? We follow directions. There is no choice involved. The bad end unhappily, the good, unluckily. That is what tragedy means. "
- Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead
But I do love thee! and when I love thee not,
Chaos is come again."
- Othello,ACT III ,scene iii
"We are tragedians, you see? We follow directions. There is no choice involved. The bad end unhappily, the good, unluckily. That is what tragedy means. "
- Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead
Friday, October 2, 2009
Old at 22
Few years back i wondered when i'd be 18..finally reach that landmark where "adult" is stamped on my identity forever. From driving to marriage, everything was to be legalized. Life certainly couldnt get better than that, could it? Apparently, it could. Coz as soon as i turned 18, it seemed too young. Drinking was still out of bounds(as if i care...but you know the stamp i mentioned...feels reassuring that way!) and marriage seemed like an eventuality I could ignore for sometime(forever, if possible??). Now, a couple of days after my 22nd birthday, not only does it feel painfully dull to be adding years without any substantial increment in my brain cells, but it also feels unsettlingly old...as if all the landmarks i'd wished for were nothing but a mirage giving me a sense that atleast i've something to look forward to.Maybe i wouldnt even wanna drink at 25 if i carry on dis way:( Its not turned out like i'd hoped it would...and i know it never does so i'm not experiencing anything profound. But i'd hoped for some defining moment in my life...the one that would mark a particular year after my coming of age as 'special'...make me feel as if life so far has been worth it. I know i have 'miles to go before i sleep' as Robert Frost put it very nicely but i just hope i don't keep sleeping through the journey and realize later that life passed me by while i was too busy feeling old for everything!!
cheers to being lost and confused and not to mention being old at 22!
cheers to being lost and confused and not to mention being old at 22!
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Musings...
Life hurls a lot of stuff at us and more often than not, we are unprepared for the attack. Sometimes i feel I'm just a dejected,loveless,tired and cynical soul throwing my sarcasms randomly for people to be hit by them. Its sickens the hell out me that this is the real me!( I mean since when did i start acting in such an un-ladylike manner!!) But sadly, this is true. This is probably how everyone sees me and I have stopped caring about them...is this normal? Frankly, I'm a bit paranoid about myself these days. Not that I wasn't paranoid about the same issue earlier but then the reasons were different. Pimples,parents,fights with pals,finding a boyfriend were the occupations of the mind. When i grew out of that and landed in this philosophical trap, i don't know. I'm just 21...isn't this the time to have fun,explore sex,make plenty of rich bfs and splurge on the girly necessities of life? Apparently its not possible for moi!
Its nothing to do with age i guess; this self torture that I put myself through. I am not aware of how other people feel...whether they think so much about life as well. Is everyone this sad? This dejected? Does everyone feel this sense of 'being acutely wronged' and 'let down' by friends,family and that special one without any apparent reason? Nothing of that big a magnitude has happened with me till now. I've had my share of ups and downs that come as a gift with being a human being but its nothing extraordinary that I've been through. Then what exactly is going on with the chemicals in my brain to make me feel this way? Its kinda maddening to sit everyday, resloving to stop bothering myself and to try and give myself explanations for putting on a facade for others. At a time when i should be enjoying the freedom of being young, I am constantly burdening my poor self with dramatic philosophies and boring theories about life. Now that I am writing about it, I'm able to see how helpless I really am.
I have tried alot to convince myself that I am normal('Coz sometimes I really feel its my fascianation with being normal that borders on abnormality!). Maybe this is what being normal means...and I'm not the only one suffering due to an overdose of philosophy. So eventually, after meanderings into the deep darkness of the unknown truths of life and realization that this is me- whether alone or not, this is how my life will be. Rebellion,anger,frustration and finally acceptance. I float in and out of these stages, hoping that someday i'll find a fifth stage called PEACE. Meanwhile, I'm moving through the previous four and unfolding the madness that accompanies each one. People may think that we go where life takes us,but I think that life takes us where we want to go. Waiting for my destination to come...
Its nothing to do with age i guess; this self torture that I put myself through. I am not aware of how other people feel...whether they think so much about life as well. Is everyone this sad? This dejected? Does everyone feel this sense of 'being acutely wronged' and 'let down' by friends,family and that special one without any apparent reason? Nothing of that big a magnitude has happened with me till now. I've had my share of ups and downs that come as a gift with being a human being but its nothing extraordinary that I've been through. Then what exactly is going on with the chemicals in my brain to make me feel this way? Its kinda maddening to sit everyday, resloving to stop bothering myself and to try and give myself explanations for putting on a facade for others. At a time when i should be enjoying the freedom of being young, I am constantly burdening my poor self with dramatic philosophies and boring theories about life. Now that I am writing about it, I'm able to see how helpless I really am.
I have tried alot to convince myself that I am normal('Coz sometimes I really feel its my fascianation with being normal that borders on abnormality!). Maybe this is what being normal means...and I'm not the only one suffering due to an overdose of philosophy. So eventually, after meanderings into the deep darkness of the unknown truths of life and realization that this is me- whether alone or not, this is how my life will be. Rebellion,anger,frustration and finally acceptance. I float in and out of these stages, hoping that someday i'll find a fifth stage called PEACE. Meanwhile, I'm moving through the previous four and unfolding the madness that accompanies each one. People may think that we go where life takes us,but I think that life takes us where we want to go. Waiting for my destination to come...
Sunday, September 20, 2009
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