Love and Devotion...

“I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.”- William Shriner

came across this quote a few moments ago and it got me thinking. This is the kind of death my grandfather wanted. To go to his beloved Ram ji's care while sleeping or reading the Ramayan that is dearer to him than any living person. It is the Ramayan which he knows by heart, which he quotes to everyone, which he starts and ends his day with.

Today, that Ramayan lies untouched, gathering dust from lack of use in a drawer that has not been opened in ages. where is my grandfather? he like the Ramayan, lies; but contrary to his untouched Ramayan he is in the midst of innumerable tubes, pipes and machines. His ususally dyed hair (cut and colored by his own hands) is the shade of cotton and flowing on the same colored pillow he lies on. Pearl colored hair have sproted into beard though that was unthinkable since he preferred to remain clean shaven at all times. The pipes,tubes and machines have reduced him into something he never wanted to be- dependent. He is at their mercy with no consciousness of what goes around him...hope he cannot visualize himself in such a condition. That would make the machines redundant since the idea itself would kill him.

Its nothing new that 88yr old people fall ill...to be blatant, they know  that they dont have much time and even their loved ones know it. But, for a man like my grandfather, i consider it cruelly unjust that he should go like this- reduced to nothing. All his life he has lived and breathed the principle of Lord Ram. He is a self made man who believes in Karma and only Karma and nothing but Karma. A day before going to the hospital he said that even now he will continue to do his 'prescribed duty' as per Ram and will not relent at anything. A man like this who wished nothing from life except to die in peace is today fighting for his life against so many odds but still hasnt given up.

The point behind this is not to say that he shouldnt die, but the point lies in the way he is slowly dying. Even after making God his only love, he suffers at this moment and that to so intensely. its heart wrenching. I was never one for going to mandirs or praying on a regular basis. When someone goes to vist a temple i ususally sit outside coz i believe that god is eveywhere. We dont need to go to temples, we can do the same by just being true to ourselves. Seeing my grandfather live hell, i feel that life makes evens out on its own. The good suffer, the bad prosper. this doesnt mean we start doing bad things and we can get away with them, but it means that we shouldnt expect good things to happen to us coz we are good. life balances the amount of good and bad for us. It certainly seems to have done that for my grandfather. The prayers he has been doing since countless years have brought him to this. He says that he has been saved from being worse off but i say that death would have done him better. he doesnt deserve this. In the end, as they say, nothing matters. its the same with him. Ram or no Ram, he is suffering and i'm glad he is more optimistic than i am. hopefully, his Ram makes him come out of this a survivor and proves me wrong on my theory. I'm waiting for the Ramayan to be held in the hands that revered it for so long. It would be the best day of my life when that happens.